Saturday, October 22, 2011

A Better Life

It's been a really long time since I have posted anything. I guess I haven't found the time, because I am not at a lack of things to say. Since my last post, Matthew has done some amazing things. I sometimes forget to rejoice in the accomplishments he is making because I just get too caught up in the busy pace of life.
Matthew turned 2 in June. I thought he would be walking by age 2, but not quite. Maybe 2 1/2? A week before his birthday, he became very sick. Every time we did a feeding he would throw up. After an entire Saturday of this I knew something was wrong and took him to the ER in Bentonville. I won't take this time for details but it was not a good experience and I won't ever go there again. By Monday, it had continued and I took him to his Dr. He was admitted to the hospital in Fayetteville- amazing! highly recommend Fayetteville hospital. The short story is that he was there a week.

They found an intestinal blockage and worked it out. A special thanks to Chad, Lindsey, Erin, and Mike for coming by for an evening so that we could get away to celebrate Jonathan's 6th birthday.
During this time, we did get an answered prayer that we weren't expecting. His feedings were stopped until he was cleaned out- just had an IV. He became hungry, and saw me eating a plate of food. He would try to grab the food off of my plate and put it in his mouth- Even though he didn't know how to eat by mouth. Until this time he had such an adversity to food that he would start to gag and throw up as soon as we held a spoon to his mouth. That next Monday when he was back at school, I took some muffins for the class to celebrate Matthew's birthday. I told the teachers to let Matthew play with some muffins while the other children ate them. He actually ate them! This is an on going process, but now that he is trying foods, we are optimistic that tube feedings will one day just be a memory.
Some other great accomplishments that we are celebrating- Although he doesn't speak yet, he is learning sign language. He says "all done", "more", "please", and "touchdown" (thanks Daddy!). When I pick him up from school, he blows kisses to his teachers. He is developing socially, playing with his friends, although somewhat of a biter. And he has shown a real love for music. Put him in front of the piano and he will "play" it forever. Once he hears music on the radio or TV, he begins dancing- so sweet.
A few weeks ago, the Pastor's sermon was about "how can my life count", what we will spend our life doing. This is something I have thought about a lot. I want do many things- be a stay at home mom, climb the corporate ladder, run my own business, run another marathon, keep a clean house (not likely), be an extreme couponer... and the list goes on. I realize I won't do all of these things, and also feel that my greatest purpose is being a wife and mom (doing it for God's glory).
Therefore, whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
What I am about to say next sounds horrible, but I have dealt with guilt over Matthew. We always said we would have 2 children. My husband was happy with 2, but for some reason, I began insisting we have another. I honestly felt like someone was missing, and our family was not complete yet. Once he was born and we realized the long road ahead, I felt that it was all my fault. Why was I so extremely persistant on a 3rd child? And the truth is: If we had stopped with 2 boys, our lives would be easier, cheaper, less heart breaking, but- Our lives would not be better. Matthew teaches us patience, unconditional love, a greater understanding for the disabled, and so much more. Thank you Matthew for making our lives better.


  1. Hi Reagan. I found your blog through pinterest, great ideas on the stocking stuffers. But I believe God brought me hear to see your story. I couldn't stop reading till I had read the complete story. Thank you for sharing. June 21, 1988 I gave birth to a healthy baby, and on July 24th 2010, she had a seizure a complication from her juvenile diabetes, that put her in a coma for 3 weeks, and left her with brain damage. Your family will be in my prayers.

  2. Thank you so much Nonnie for your comment. I actually found it to be very healing to write everything out. But I do realize that I am not the only mom going through this type of situation. And hopefully they can see it is better to rejoice in the positive, rather than worry about all of the bad. If you read the whole story, then hopefully you read the post for mother's day. That's for you too.