Silence

Matthew was born 6/22/09. It was a scheduled C section. By the time this day came, I was fairly confident that God had worked a miracle and Matthew would be perfect in every way. Wouldn't that be the perfect story of the power of prayer. What a great testimony I could share with everyone. In a C section, you can not see anything that is going on, but you can hear everything. I can still remember the most beautiful sound in the world when Reece was born by C Section- I couldn't see that he was born, but I heard him cry! Amazing! It is hard for words to describe. As Matthew's C Section began I was ready, waiting for that cry. waiting. And then I knew he was out.

Silence... I strained to hear anything, just silence...

Then the silence was broken by the doctor "where is the pediatrician! this baby has issues!" I saw the nurses take him over to the warm table to clean him up, and I heard a tiny little moan. That was it. Just a moan. As the doctor fixed me up, I asked JD if Matthew looked ok. He said yes. As my doctor was finishing me, he said rather matter of factly that the baby was missing an ear and that is not something that you would ever see on a sonogram. Isn't it crazy that a sonogram can pick up the slightest piece of a brain that does not exist, but can not see the absense of an ear.

When the pediatrician saw Matthew in the nursery, he was taken to the NICU, where he would spend the next 7 days. They ran numerous tests on him in his first 2 days, he had wires everywhere; oxygen, IV fluid, heart rate monitors. At one point they tested him for seizures and placed wires underneath the skin around his head, for 24 hours. They checked all of his internal organs, eye sight, hearing. It breaks any mother's heart to see her baby connected to that many wires. He had an MRI done on his brain. They even took blood to check for any chromosonal abnormalities.

After a few days, my hosptial stay was up, I could go home. But how can a mom go home and leave her baby? I couldn't make logical sense of it. He had to stay. He was not eating well, not gaining weight. I later realized that it was his difficulty to swallow which caused feeding to be such a struggle. Feeding never did get easier, but eventually he did gain enough weight to be sent home. My mom and I thought that once the IV fluid was removed, he would experience hunger and cry. He didn't. In fact he didn't really cry until he was a month old. Silence is an interesting thing. Sometimes God uses silence to get our attention. Once everything is completely quiet we finally listen to Him.

I like this verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1,7- To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven...A time to tear, And a time to SEW, A time to keep SILENCE, And a time to speak.

God definately had my attention. He has the power to do anything. Nothing is impossible, so why didn't he heal Matthew? Maybe my testimony isn't quite complete yet. Maybe God wants more from me. I don't know God's plan for Matthew, but I do still believe in miraculous healing. God didn't heal Matthew (at least not yet!)

personalized treat bags

Halloween is going to be here soon. Although Halloween is not my favorite holiday (Christmas is!), who doesn't love an excuse to eat candy and dress up!! I am really excited about my newest creation. I have monogrammed little tote bags with "trick or treat" on one side and the child's name can be on the other side. The bags are 8" wide by 7" tall. They may be a little small for the serious candy collectors, but the perfect size for a little personalized gift bag.

You can find them at Signed, Sealed, and Delivered in Rogers, AR. They have just about anything you would ever need to decorate your home for the holiday or any day. My personalized loveys are also available at Signed, Sealed, and Delivered. Check it out!

the day my world stopped

The day was February 23, 2009. It is a day I will never forget. It was a Monday, but I was not at work- I had actually just lost my job and found myself unemployed and not sure what to do with my first day at home. Jonathan and Reece were at daycare, and I was 5 months pregnant with our third boy.

Then. The phone rang. It was my doctor. I heard him saying that there was a problem with the sonogram. The baby was missing a piece of his brain. It's called Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. He didn't know what it was, and told me I could google it. I learned that it is a piece connecting both hemispheres of the brain and transfers information. It only forms between 5 and 16 wks gestation. Symptoms could include low muscle tone, difficulty swallowing, low perception of pain, seizures, facial abnormalities, vision and hearing impairments, mental retardation.


What! Why! What do I do. My husband was headed out of town for work for 2 days. He stopped by on his way, gave me a big hug, and told me that there was nothing we did to cause this. It might be easy to say that, but very hard to believe that. I spent the next 4 months trying to figure out what I did, what I ate or drank, or what I was exposed to. As that day came to an end- a stranger knocked on our door to tell me that our cat had been run over.

The next week we went to Little Rock for a specialized sonogram. They were concerned about the large size of his head, and extra space in his brain that could be hydrocephalus. The next sonogram would be in 10 weeks, where they would decide if we needed to deliver close to the Children's Hospital or if it could be done closer to home.

I am so glad that I had maternity photos taken. Most mothers look back at their maternity photos and remember how happy and joyous the whole experience was. When I look at those photos I remember being on my knees, praying, asking God for a miracle. God had my attention, and I could not have made it through this without trusting Him.

Finally it was time for the second sonogram. The corpus callosum that I had prayed to miraculously appear was still absent. But the doctor was not concerned about the extra space and determined that we would not need to deliver in Little Rock. And that was still great news to us. At that moment we decided to call him Matthew- "a gift from God".

The future was still so unknown, but I found comfort in this verse:

Psalm 139:7-10. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there. If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.

sewing a seed- what is that?

What is sewing a seed? It has several meanings to me. I love, love, love to sew and create things. For years I have been doing anything from hemming pants, to designing and hand sewing wedding gowns. Last March, I finally took a leap and created my own sewing business "Sewing A Seed", which specializes in custom sewing and monogramming. Here are a couple photos of my baby loveys. They are made from soft minky fabric and ribbon strips. Of course they can be personalized for any baby. Babies really love the soft fabric and the textures of the ribbons. I can make just about any color combination that you want.

But Sewing A Seed means more to me than just literally sewing. As a mother of 3 boys, I am responsible for raising them to the best of my ability, with God's guidance. They are like little seeds and everyday I have to stop and praise God as I see them growing up before my eyes.

I have never blogged before, but it is time to start. I have too much to say and too much to be thankful for. I will be sharing experiences from my sewing business and being a mommy. Please check back. I will be posting again soon.

2 Corinthians 9:6. But this I say, he which soweth sparingly shall also reap sparingly, but he which soweth bountifully shall reap bountifully.