Friday, September 10, 2010

the day my world stopped

The day was February 23, 2009. It is a day I will never forget. It was a Monday, but I was not at work- I had actually just lost my job and found myself unemployed and not sure what to do with my first day at home. Jonathan and Reece were at daycare, and I was 5 months pregnant with our third boy.

Then. The phone rang. It was my doctor. I heard him saying that there was a problem with the sonogram. The baby was missing a piece of his brain. It's called Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. He didn't know what it was, and told me I could google it. I learned that it is a piece connecting both hemispheres of the brain and transfers information. It only forms between 5 and 16 wks gestation. Symptoms could include low muscle tone, difficulty swallowing, low perception of pain, seizures, facial abnormalities, vision and hearing impairments, mental retardation.

What! Why! What do I do. My husband was headed out of town for work for 2 days. He stopped by on his way, gave me a big hug, and told me that there was nothing we did to cause this. It might be easy to say that, but very hard to believe that. I spent the next 4 months trying to figure out what I did, what I ate or drank, or what I was exposed to. As that day came to an end- a stranger knocked on our door to tell me that our cat had been run over.

The next week we went to Little Rock for a specialized sonogram. They were concerned about the large size of his head, and extra space in his brain that could be hydrocephalus. The next sonogram would be in 10 weeks, where they would decide if we needed to deliver close to the Children's Hospital or if it could be done closer to home.

I am so glad that I had maternity photos taken. Most mothers look back at their maternity photos and remember how happy and joyous the whole experience was. When I look at those photos I remember being on my knees, praying, asking God for a miracle. God had my attention, and I could not have made it through this without trusting Him.

Finally it was time for the second sonogram. The corpus callosum that I had prayed to miraculously appear was still absent. But the doctor was not concerned about the extra space and determined that we would not need to deliver in Little Rock. And that was still great news to us. At that moment we decided to call him Matthew- "a gift from God".

The future was still so unknown, but I found comfort in this verse:

Psalm 139:7-10. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there. If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.


  1. Regan,
    I still remember when Ms. Cindy came in and told Ms. Carla and I the news. We were just in shock, and I began to worry about you and J.D. We never understand things like this, and we never will. Matthew is such a blessing to everybody he comes in contact with. He is such a cutie, and I can just see God working in his little body every time I look at him. Your family is such an inspiration and blessing to me! I was heartbroken when I heard Matthew is leaving the center, but I know it is the best for him! I am so glad you have made this blog so I can stay up to date with his progress!! You guys have a beautiful family!! 3 Beautiful boys that I love dearly!!! God Bless You!! I will continue to pray for you guys!!

    Bobbi Schmidt

  2. Regan you are such an inspiration to me. Your faith in God will carry you where ever life takes you. Matthew is such a beautiful little boy. He is blessed to have great parents and brothers. I love you and continue to pray for you all.

  3. Regan - This is a beautiful post. It reminds me so much of Krystal's story with Easton. But God has a plan for Matthew - he is a gift from God! Thanks for the perspective! And I can't wait to keep up with your family via the blog!

  4. im thinking about you and those sweet boys of yours!