Silence

Matthew was born 6/22/09. It was a scheduled C section. By the time this day came, I was fairly confident that God had worked a miracle and Matthew would be perfect in every way. Wouldn't that be the perfect story of the power of prayer. What a great testimony I could share with everyone. In a C section, you can not see anything that is going on, but you can hear everything. I can still remember the most beautiful sound in the world when Reece was born by C Section- I couldn't see that he was born, but I heard him cry! Amazing! It is hard for words to describe. As Matthew's C Section began I was ready, waiting for that cry. waiting. And then I knew he was out.

Silence... I strained to hear anything, just silence...

Then the silence was broken by the doctor "where is the pediatrician! this baby has issues!" I saw the nurses take him over to the warm table to clean him up, and I heard a tiny little moan. That was it. Just a moan. As the doctor fixed me up, I asked JD if Matthew looked ok. He said yes. As my doctor was finishing me, he said rather matter of factly that the baby was missing an ear and that is not something that you would ever see on a sonogram. Isn't it crazy that a sonogram can pick up the slightest piece of a brain that does not exist, but can not see the absense of an ear.

When the pediatrician saw Matthew in the nursery, he was taken to the NICU, where he would spend the next 7 days. They ran numerous tests on him in his first 2 days, he had wires everywhere; oxygen, IV fluid, heart rate monitors. At one point they tested him for seizures and placed wires underneath the skin around his head, for 24 hours. They checked all of his internal organs, eye sight, hearing. It breaks any mother's heart to see her baby connected to that many wires. He had an MRI done on his brain. They even took blood to check for any chromosonal abnormalities.

After a few days, my hosptial stay was up, I could go home. But how can a mom go home and leave her baby? I couldn't make logical sense of it. He had to stay. He was not eating well, not gaining weight. I later realized that it was his difficulty to swallow which caused feeding to be such a struggle. Feeding never did get easier, but eventually he did gain enough weight to be sent home. My mom and I thought that once the IV fluid was removed, he would experience hunger and cry. He didn't. In fact he didn't really cry until he was a month old. Silence is an interesting thing. Sometimes God uses silence to get our attention. Once everything is completely quiet we finally listen to Him.

I like this verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1,7- To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven...A time to tear, And a time to SEW, A time to keep SILENCE, And a time to speak.

God definately had my attention. He has the power to do anything. Nothing is impossible, so why didn't he heal Matthew? Maybe my testimony isn't quite complete yet. Maybe God wants more from me. I don't know God's plan for Matthew, but I do still believe in miraculous healing. God didn't heal Matthew (at least not yet!)